How do I begin?

I'm not sure how to begin this blog.  It feels funny knowing that others will read what I write,but I think I need to do this for myself.  So that I may "wake up".  I want to write  about my strugles with my weight, tell my story of my history and invite you on my journey into the future as I struggle with this demon called fat.  I want to express myself unlike I never have before, to stand out in cyber space, naked and vulnerable so that in the end, I might be able to "wake up."

Funny I can't get past this first part without a snack of chips and popcorn. What is it in me that needs to try and keep a lid on my feelings stuffing them with food until I am so discusted with myself that I live in self loathing mode for days? Tomorrow I have vowed to abstain from sugar, If I can stay away from it for 4 days, I know it will be out of my body and I will start to feel better, after the sugar comes the need to eliminate the processed white flour. 

With any luck, I will be able to make it out to the gym and my 1 yr old will be okay in the gym child care long enugh for me to have a decent work out. I love to work out, once I get there.  I feel empowered and  I can feel my muscles say "AHHH Thank you."
I don't want to get into myself too much tonight. I just wanted to say how I wil start. In the end, it really does not matter about your past.  You only have the present and future. Might as well start with now.